BETTE MIDLER - Otto Titsling Lyrics

Lyrics Directory >> B >> BETTE MIDLER Singer Lyrics >> Otto Titsling Song Lyrics

Artist: BETTE MIDLER
BETTE MIDLER Author

Song Title:	Otto Titsling
Visits:	627

Print Version

"This next story is a true story.
It concerns two of my favorite subjects:
industrial theft . . . and-a t-ts!
Mmm, what a combo! This is the story . . .
The inventor of the modern foundation garment
that we women wear today was a German scientist
and opera lover by the name of Otto Titsling!
This is a true story.
His name was Otto Titsling.
What happened to Otto Titsling shouldn't happen to a schnauzer.
It's a very sad story. I feel I have to share it with you."

Otto Titsling, inventor and kraut,
had nothing to get very worked up about.
His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak.
He fled to the opera at least twice a week.

One night at the opera he saw an Aida
who's t-ts were so big they would often impede her.
Bug-eyed he watched her fall into the pit,
done in by the weight of those terrible t-ts.

Oh, my god! There she blows!
Aerodynamically this bitch was a mess.
Otto eyeballed the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,
and he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration
flood his soul. He knew what he had to do!
He ran back to his workshop
where he futzed and futzed and futzed.

For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
to lift and mold the female breast;
to point the small ones to the sky;
to keep the big ones high and dry!

Every night he'd sweat and snort
searching for the right support.
He tried some string and paper clips.
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!

Well, he stitched and he slaved
and he slaved and he stitched
until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning,
Otto arose from his workbench triumphant.
Yes! He had invented the worlds first
over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Hooray!

Exhausted but ecstatic he ran
down the street to the diva's house
bearing the prototype in his hot little hand.
Now, the diva did not want to try the darn thing on.
But, after many initial misgivings,
she finally did.
And the sigh of relief that issued forth
from the diva's mouth
was so loud that it was mistaken by some
to be the early onset of the Siroccan Winds
which would often roll through the Schwarzwald
with a vengeance!
Ahhhhh-i!

But little did Otto know,
at the moment of his greatest triumph,
lurking under the diva's bed
was none other than the very worst
of the French patent thieves,
Philippe DeBrassiere.
And Phil was watching the scene
with a great deal of interest!

Later that night, while our Brun Hilda slept,
into the wardrobe Philippe softly crept.
He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore,
'til he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door.

Crying, "Oh, my god! What joy! What bliss!
I'm gonna make me a million from this!
Every woman in the world will wanna buy one.
I can have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."

"Oh, thank you!"

The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:
Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?

"Ohhh! Thank you!"

Otto Titsling Lyrics at Lyricstrue

E-Mail, IM, Text :
Websites & Blogs :
Forums :


Other BETTE MIDLER song Lyrics
In These Shoes ""Gentlemen, gentlemen please! Senors, por favor!" I once met a man with a sense of adventure. He was dressed to thrill wherever he went. He said, "Let's make love on a mountaintop,..."	God Give Me Strength "Now I have nothing, so God give me strength, 'cause I'm weak anyway, and if I'm strong, I might still break. And I don't have anything to share..."
Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me) "Each day through my window I watch him as he passes by. I say to myself, "What an incredible guy." To have a love like that..."	Love TKO "Oooooh Oooooh Lookin' back over my years I guess I've shed some tears...."
Moses "Diamonds, roses, I need Moses to cross this sea of lonliness, part this red river of pain. I don't necessarily buy..."	Nobody Else But You "Who loves me even though I'm crazy and nothing that I say is true? Who won my heart and soul forever? It's nobody else but,..."
Color Of Roses "I held you close to me once in a distant dream, far from the shores of my fear. I sailed on the ocean where..."	Bless You Child "Bless you chi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ild. You suffer, you're human, you sin, you fail, you love, you hate, you ail,..."