Various Artists - La Vie Boheme Life Cafe Lyrics

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Artist: Various Artists
Various Artists Author

Song Title:	La Vie Boheme Life Cafe
Visits:	540

Print Version

Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to
be seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the
right, BENNY and MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The
RESTAURANT MAN tries to shoo our friends out.)

RESTAURANT MAN
No please no
Not tonight please no
Mister -- can't you go --
Not tonight -- can't have a scene

ROGER
What?

RESTAURANT MAN
Go, please go;
You -- Hello, sir --
I said, "No"
Important customer

MARK
What am I -- just a blur?

RESTAURANT MAN
You sit all night -- you never buy!

MARK
That's a lie -- that's a lie
I had a tea the other day

RESTAURANT MAN
You couldn't pay

MARK
Oh yeah

COLLINS
Benjamin Coffin III -- here?

RESTAURANT MAN
Oh no!

ALL
Wine and beer!

MAUREEN
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay

(They sit.)

RESTAURANT MAN
Oy vey!

COLLINS
What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?

BENNY
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well

MAUREEN
Go to hell

BENNY
Was the yuppie scum stomped
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comped

ROGER
Why did Muffy --

BENNY
Alison

ROGER
Miss the show?

BENNY
There was a death in the family
If you must know

ANGEL
Who died?

BENNY
Our Akita

BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS
Evita

BENNY
Mimi -- I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(Who don't adhere to deals)
They make fun -- yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead

(The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with
MARK delivering the "eulogy.")

MARK
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes

COLLINS & ROGER
Dies irae -- dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc.

MARK
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of mother earth
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to --
(MAUREEN flashes hers.)
La vie Boheme

ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

MARK
To days of inspiration
Playing hookie, making something out of nothing
The need to express --
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad

To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad

To riding your bike,
Midday past the three piece suits
To fruits -- to no absolutes --
To Absolut -- to choice --
To the Village Voice --
To any passing fad

ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

(JOANNE enters.)

MAUREEN
Is the equipment in a pyramid?

JOANNE
It is, Maureen

MAUREEN
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face

(MAUREEN smacks JOANNE's ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts.)

MR. GREY
Ahhemm

MAUREEN
Hey Mister -- she's my sister

RESTAURANT MAN
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls

A BOY
Ugh

COLLINS
It tastes the same

MIMI
If you close your eyes

RESTAURANT MAN
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?

ALL
Wine and beer!

MIMI & ANGEL
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation

MARK
Mucho masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new

COLLINS
To Sontag

ANGEL
To Sondheim

FOUR PEOPLE

To anything taboo

COLLINS & ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage

COLLINS
Lenny Bruce

ROGER
Langston Hughes

MAUREEN
To the stage

PERSON #1
To Uta

PERSON #2
To Buddha

PERSON #3
Pablo Neruda, too

MARK & MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em

ALL
La vie Boheme

(JOANNE returns.)

MAUREEN
And wipe the speakers off before you pack

JOANNE
Yes, Maureen

MAUREEN
Well -- hurry back

(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss.)

MR. GREY
Sisters?

MAUREEN
We're close

(ANGEL jumps on of COLLINS, who's on the table. They kiss.)

ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY
Brothers!

MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana

ALL
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel -- The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame -- never playing the Fame Game

COLLINS
To marijuana

ALL
To sodomy,
It's between God and me
To S & M

(MR. GREY walks out.)

BENNY
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter

ALL
La vie Boheme

COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence
immediately following dinner...Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap,
will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of
iced tea being stirred.

ROGER
Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to
hold an erection on high holy days.

(ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it.)

MARK
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement
at the eleventh street lot, will sing native american tribal chants
backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the
electric cello -- which she has never studied.

(At this point, JOANNE has entered and seen MAUREEN playfully kiss
MARK. JOANNE exits. BENNY pulls MIMI aside.)

BENNY
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?

MIMI
There's nothing to know

BENNY
Don't you think that we should discuss --

MIMI
It was three months ago

BENNY
He doesn't act like he's with you

MIMI
We're taking it slow

BENNY
Where is he now?

MIMI
He's right -- hmm

BENNY
Uh huh

MIMI
Where'd he go?

MARK
Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.
(ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta's Theme.)
That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz"

COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris ,
while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.

ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist -- including the
successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment
to self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:

ALL
"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS"

BENNY
Check!!

(BENNY exits. Lights on MIMI and ROGER.)

MIMI
Excuse me -- did I do something wrong?
I get invited -- then ignored -- all night long

ROGER
I've been trying -- I'm not lying
No one's perfect. I've got baggage

MIMI
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine

ROGER
I should tell, you --

MIMI
I've got baggage too

ROGER
I should tell you --

MIMI
I got baggage, too

ROGER
I should tell you --

BOTH
Baggage - wine --

OTHERS
And beer!

(Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper.)

MIMI
AZT break

(MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL, and COLLINS take pills.)

ROGER
You?

MIMI
Me. You?

ROGER
Mimi

(They hold hands and stare into each other's eyes lovingly. The rest of
the company freezes

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